Journey Into Submission

a bdsm love journal


Some weeks I spend more nights with Tucker than I do with my daughters.

Over a two week period my girls stay with me a total of seven nights – three the first week, four the second week. That leaves me with a total of seven nights when I used to sleep here all alone. Now I either stay with Tucker or he spends the night here with me almost every single one of those formerly lonesome nights.

I didn’t realize the extent of Tucker’s involvement in my previously solitary time until he pointed it out. We were talking in my bed late one night and Tucker brought the math to my attention. I tried to dismiss his numbers with my usual feigned (and funny) self-assurance and know-it-all attitude. Then I paused and he knew I knew he was right. It knocked me a little sideways when I thought about it seriously the next day.

It has been almost precisely five years since I last lived with someone other than my children. In sum total I have only spent one month out of my entire life co-habitating with someone to whom I was not joined in holy matrimony and that was due only to the lapse between my college graduation and our wedding date. And I’m not sure that that one month even really counts because my mother was staying with us the whole time. Something about maternal supervision kind of ruins the newness of living with someone in a committed relationship.

Spending this much time with Tucker, having him in my space for several days in a row, is clearly a new experience for me. Over the past few weeks I have even lent him the use of my spare housekey for various reasons related to convenience and divergent timing in us arriving at the same location. Once he was scheduled to work later than he wanted me staying up so I gave him the key to let himself in without me having to get up to answer the door. Twice when I was sick he tucked me in bed at a reasonable hour and then went to visit his best friend. I gave him the key so he could return at his leisure and I could enjoy my drug-induced slumber.

Now I am considering the combination of both of these developments. Tucker and I have a standing understanding that we will spend at least two nights, and most likely three, together every week. I have no reason to keep my spare key for myself and no one else to whom I would feel safe giving it. So why not combine both into one and let him keep the key?

But like I asked him, is this something that I am taking too casually? A major step I am bypassing for the sake of convenience? Is there more to giving a man your key than that of which I am aware, having not done it in quite some time and certainly not for these reasons? Should I be making a bigger deal of this and waiting until a more appropriate time? Or is love, desire, and time spent together reason enough?






  1. jdsgirl

    so happy, I’ve been away from the blog and I have come back to find you happy, joyful and in love with a wonderful man who puts you first!! Yay for Gray!!!!!!!

  2. Gray Lily, YES!!!
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. Since i’ve cohabited my entire adult life (with the same person)…understand i’m coming from a very different perspective here!

    i don’t think it’s casual at all to give T a key. You’ve obviously thought about it, even perhaps unconsciously. If you were not comfortable about it, the idea would not resonate so well with you. Trust you!

    You’re unlocking a different sort of door…and it sounds like there’s a good place inside there…



  4. Princess

    You give him the key when it feels right to you. I hope that is soon. I am so happy for you.

  5. David S

    I give out housekeys based on trust, not love. I think Tucker has proven his trustworthiness several many times over.

    David S

  6. Honey

    I think that love, desire, and time spent together is enough, especially when combined with a level of comfort with him coming and going from your home is such that it necessitates a key!

    It isn’t just about convenience, after all, it is about the degree of interaction that now allows for him to be arriving at your home after you’ve gone to bed, for example. This doesn’t usually happen in the more casual stages of a relationship, so the step has already been taken, in my opinion.

  7. a. Do you want to give it to him?

    b. Does he want it?

    c. Will you be hurt if he does not reciprocate by giving you a key to his place?

    d. How long have you known him?

    e. Would you advise one of your daughters/friends/sister to do this?

    Personnaly, I am always cautious. It can always be done at a later time, but once it’s done, it’s done.


  8. I give out house keys for all sorts of reasons. The man who bought one of my marital houses was shocked to learn that half the block had our keys. But, well, you know… when you have cats…

    To me, giving out my key reflects a level of comfort, sometimes earned, sometimes foolishly felt. But what matters is the meaning YOU give to it.

    Still, I would caution against giving him the spare key. It’s always good to have a spare key. Make a new one.

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