Some weeks I spend more nights with Tucker than I do with my daughters.
Over a two week period my girls stay with me a total of seven nights – three the first week, four the second week. That leaves me with a total of seven nights when I used to sleep here all alone. Now I either stay with Tucker or he spends the night here with me almost every single one of those formerly lonesome nights.
I didn’t realize the extent of Tucker’s involvement in my previously solitary time until he pointed it out. We were talking in my bed late one night and Tucker brought the math to my attention. I tried to dismiss his numbers with my usual feigned (and funny) self-assurance and know-it-all attitude. Then I paused and he knew I knew he was right. It knocked me a little sideways when I thought about it seriously the next day.
It has been almost precisely five years since I last lived with someone other than my children. In sum total I have only spent one month out of my entire life co-habitating with someone to whom I was not joined in holy matrimony and that was due only to the lapse between my college graduation and our wedding date. And I’m not sure that that one month even really counts because my mother was staying with us the whole time. Something about maternal supervision kind of ruins the newness of living with someone in a committed relationship.
Spending this much time with Tucker, having him in my space for several days in a row, is clearly a new experience for me. Over the past few weeks I have even lent him the use of my spare housekey for various reasons related to convenience and divergent timing in us arriving at the same location. Once he was scheduled to work later than he wanted me staying up so I gave him the key to let himself in without me having to get up to answer the door. Twice when I was sick he tucked me in bed at a reasonable hour and then went to visit his best friend. I gave him the key so he could return at his leisure and I could enjoy my drug-induced slumber.
Now I am considering the combination of both of these developments. Tucker and I have a standing understanding that we will spend at least two nights, and most likely three, together every week. I have no reason to keep my spare key for myself and no one else to whom I would feel safe giving it. So why not combine both into one and let him keep the key?
But like I asked him, is this something that I am taking too casually? A major step I am bypassing for the sake of convenience? Is there more to giving a man your key than that of which I am aware, having not done it in quite some time and certainly not for these reasons? Should I be making a bigger deal of this and waiting until a more appropriate time? Or is love, desire, and time spent together reason enough?