Journey Into Submission

a bdsm love journal

Date

Tucker managed to surprise me with a lovely dinner out on Valentine’s day without ever having to lie to me.

This says more about him, and the reasons why I have become so very fond of him, than perhaps anything else.

When Tucker showed up at my door Friday night, as expected, I was dressed and ready to go out without ever suspecting that we were going anywhere except for a quick bite. I had taken a shower, done my hair and make-up, and was wearing something dressier than my usual jeans and sweatshirt. The amazing part is that he was able to be completely honest with me to get me to do these things, he just didn’t volunteer a few tiny pieces of information.

When I asked, earlier in the day, if I should eat before he came over he replied that we would go out and get a quick bite to eat after he arrived. This usually means neither of us is in the mood to cook and last Friday he couldn’t have been more right. We were both exhausted from staying up too late the night before and I was perfectly willing to let someone else prepare something for us.

Then he reminded me to take a shower and wear something cute. When I asked why, what I was dressing for, he said it was just because he likes me to look nice when we go out to eat. I mentally shrugged and did as he asked because I know from experience that this is absolutely true – whether we are going around the corner for sushi or downtown for a fine dining experience Tucker likes me to reflect well on him and I love doing it. I put on a nice pair of pants and a pretty sweater, did my typical date makeup, let my hair down, and called it good.

When he showed up in the dress shirt I had ironed earlier in the week I protested with a feeble “Hey!” He’d never told me why he wanted the shirt ironed and I’d never asked. I’d assumed it was for an event the night before but when he showed up in something different I just figured he’d changed his mind. It never occurred to me that I was ironing it for him to wear on a special date with me.

Without ever misleading, deceiving, or lying to me, Tucker got me exactly where he wanted me. He respects my need for truth, and his own conviction that the truth is nearly always necessary, too much to inject any small amount of deception into our relationship. He has never tried to keep anything from me or evade any of my questions. He has never told me something and then not followed through. The degree to which the truth is conveyed in his words is a constant reminder to me of how genuine and trustworthy he really is. I have, bit by bit, let go of the fear that Michael brought into my life – fear of being disappointed, mistreated, and misled. Fear based on real experiences and real reasons.

I truly believe Tucker would rather hurt me honestly than mislead me with a lie. He would rather tell me something I don’t want to hear than cover it up with platitudes and false assurances. He is so much the opposite of Michael that my heart is finally starting to accept that I can trust him with every part of myself. I can trust that Tucker won’t try to make me happy by saying what I want to hear. I can trust that he won’t lead me down the garden path and then abandon me when the truth springs to life. I can trust him.

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2 Comments

  1. Randy

    :) becomes :D

  2. Gray Lily, this reads very well.
    I’m happy that you are learning to trust again.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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