« Book | Home | Anniversary »
Submissive
By Gray Lily | November 8, 2008
An interesting side note to my quest for self-discovery and the small quiet words written on my heart…
I do not doubt for one minute that I am submissive. I have no question about my need for someone to whom I can submit on a very fundamental and continuous basis. I firmly believe that acting on my submissiveness allows me to be happy and fulfilled.
I remember back some fourteen years when my now-ex and I were dating. I remember a conversation where I tried to express what I now understand is my submissive nature. I distinctly remember feeling frustrated both at my lack of ability to understand and communicate my desires and his lack of interest in assuming some type of dominant role. Because he was familiar with religion and the husband-led household of the Baptist deep South and I was exploring the idea of organized religion (a short-lived experiment), I framed my desire in the context of the Bible and following God’s word.
I asked my now-ex if he thought one of us (read: him) should be responsible for making a final decision should we not agree on an issue. I asked him if, in the case of a situation where neither of us was wrong but we could not find a solution, it might be a good idea to agree that someone (him) got the final say.
He was as thoroughly confused and resistant to the idea as you might expect from someone raised on the idea of feminine equality and completely ignorant to the concepts of a D/s dynamic. I had no clear way to express what my heart was feeling or what I needed so the subject was never again approached. If I’d had the words, and the ideas, and knew that what I wanted really existed perhaps the course of my life might have been drastically different. But I didn’t. I had no idea.
But now I know. I know that, as intelligent, capable, resourceful, independent, stubborn, aggressive, and self-centered as I am, I am also submissive and I need my partner to be dominant. I need someone I can trust to always have some measure of control over me. I need someone to whom I can cede some share of my power knowing that they will handle it and me with the utmost responsibility and respect. I need someone I can respect just as much as I adore them.
In a very meaningful and scary way (because success scares the bejesus out of me), it seems that Michael may be the person for whom I have been looking all these many years. He may just be the one who meets the needs for which I had no words.
Topics: Michael, ex, submission |
November 8th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
A men sister~
November 9th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Gray Lily, to quote Henry Higgins, “by Jove I think she’s got it.”
Dear Girl this has been obvious for quite some time, at least to a Dom.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.